This is an edited conversation I had recently with a client during an individual session to help address anxiety and sleep issues. As it is such a common problem and one of the top reasons people come to me for guidance, I thought it might be helpful to share what came up.
Client: All this stress is influencing my thoughts before I go to bed so of course I’m not sleeping, and if I’m not sleeping [I worry that] my immunity goes down and I’m going to be ill because I don’t sleep [plus] I have stress. This is the cycle that I’m determined to break.
Susan’s reflection: It really is OK if you don’t sleep – at a certain point you will be so tired that you will sleep, so don’t worry about it! If you make it a problem, it will surely become a big problem. You can just say ‘I will sleep when my body is ready, when my mind calms down I will sleep” then focus instead on lengthening the exhalation. It’s really helpful as you exhale through really long, slow breaths to also associate that with eliminating whatever thought or stress or emotion comes up.
say to yourself: “Inhaling I refresh and replenish my energy; exhaling, I release this thought”
Remember, these are not your thoughts! These are just ‘thoughts’ – you’re not creating them. Notice that and remind yourself every day: “I’m not creating these thoughts; these thoughts arise in my consciousness because of all kinds of habits and experiences, many of which are not mine.”
You’re not doing the thinking, you see!
It’s important to recognize that there’s a sequence of beliefs that causes disruption and at every point in that sequence you should question the belief. For example, “I can’t sleep well. Why can’t I sleep well? Because I think “I can’t sleep”. Is that true? Even if it is true, does it even matter? No! Because my body will arrange it so that as soon as it’s possible, the body will sleep. That’s the nature of the body, right? So, no problem.
Now the thought: “these thoughts are disturbing me”. Well, remind yourself, “Those are not my thoughts, so I can also shed them. Each time I exhale, I breathe out that thought”. OK? Let it go! You can create an image of it leaving you as you exhale, leaving the body – out through the nose, out through the heart, out through the feet – whatever works in terms of an image you just practice that and say to yourself: “I surrender to sleep, I surrender my day. I cannot resolve this on my own. I surrender to a higher power. I surrender this – some other power is going to take care of me. I don’t have to figure this out right now.”
The sleep issue is really a direct consequence of what you believe. Keep that in mind and avoid taking sleeping pills* – these things have very strong side effects and the placebo effect is nearly 50% percent. That means they are only half as powerful as you think they are, so the mind is responsible for the other half. You could just take sugar instead and say: “This sugar is going to make me sleep!”
Oil massage is calming and grounding for the mind and body
You can also do things at the physical level to help you calm down in the evening, like slowly, gently, and lovingly massaging the feet, ears, and navel with oil before going to bed, for example. Keep a little bottle of sesame or almond oil beside your bed and if you find yourself waking up in the night then once again gently massage your ears and feet. Keep your feet warm and put on an old pair of socks so the oil doesn’t stain the bed linen.
Doing this will calm Vata dosha (anxiety, fear, nervousness, edginess, excitement) quite quickly – within a few minutes – so you can rest and sleep better.
Client: Would you recommend reading?
Susan’s reflection: Because the mind is already over-engaged, I would recommend you try not to at first. But if you find that you’re still laying awake 45 minutes later, then grab a book and read for pleasure.
The ideal is to try to go back to sleep without activating the mind, so work more on the body and remind yourself that rest is also important. Obviously, sleep is vitally important, but don’t think “I have to sleep and there’s no alternative”. So, in the middle of the night, you can also practice resting – resting means not distracting yourself, not doing anything, just ‘being’.
Just resting alone already Supports the body enormously and helps the mind calm down
Question this idea that “I have to be asleep right now!” Instead, tell yourself, “It’s OK, because I’m already resting and that rest is going to contribute to my wellbeing.”
Throughout the day try to build in rest so you don’t get increasingly wound up and then try to drop off to sleep. Break things up during the day, either by going for a walk, or sitting and breathing, or doing some kind of meditation, gentle yoga, or yoga nidra. This way you’re not accumulating all of that stress and you kind of keep leveling it down.
Client: I sometimes take herbs and herbal teas
Susan’s reflection: Yes! Tablets or teas of herbs like Passionflower (Passiflora) and Vervain (Verbena, Linden, Verveine) and Ashwagandha have known relaxation and anti-anxiety properties. You can start drinking the teas from 4 o’clock in the afternoon – have a cup then, and again an hour or more after dinner so you’ll be accumulating those effects.
Sleep well!
With love and light as always,
Susan
*As you know, I am not a doctor! This should not be taken as medical advice and some people will find relief in taking sleeping medication. I am in no way suggesting that taking medication is wrong, but in this case – knowing this client over many years – it was not the best solution and a more sustainable, longer-term solution was needed.
